Ice Cube Tray Relativity: the Special and the General Theory

Introduction
So, I just finished reading Walter Isaacson's biography of Einstein, and I realized that to be an important person like Einstein or Copernicus or Barry Bonds, one needs to come up with a revolutionary scientific theory with a sweeping, world-changing impact. You need to toss out the old norms and break free from the chains of the dominating conventional wisdom to produce an all-encompassing work of scientific--nay, philosophical genius. The Relativity Theory, De Revolutionibus Orbium Coelestium, and the 756th homer procured by steroids all defied the status quo of absolute space-time, geocentrism, and Hank Aaron (and good, clean sportsmanship), respectively.
Well, needless to say, I have arrived at my own factious theory. I call it Ice Cube Tray Relativity.
Historically, the wonted approach to filling an ice cube tray has been to turn on the water faucet at a fairly quick rate and move the tray around 'neath the flow until each cube has reached its capacity. This method is flawed in that it often, through faulty measurement and impatience on the part of the filler, results in uneven and over-flowed cubes with water breaching the individual cubes.

Hypothesis
Einstein dreamed up Special Relativity whilst working as a patent clerk in Bern; I discovered my great theory will festering about in the homes of poor, misinformed people filling their ice trays in a misconceived, wanton manner. There are two major flaws in the conventional approach. 1) An overflowed tray will make individual cubes harder to break apart from what is now one whole block of ice, producing dropped cubes and the subsequent weird, wet spots on the kitchen floor. 2) Uneven filling will lead to an inconsistency in cube size; some cubes will be smaller-than-normal, while others will be obtusely large; this may result in quicker tray depletion and expedite the need for refilling as more cubes will be needed to compensate for their diminutive volume.
Instead, I have my own photo-illustrated approach which I predict will prevent these problems. A little more patience, tact, and attentiveness on the part of the person filling the tray will produce rewarding results for your next chilled beverage experience/peculiar sexual ritual. The process can be broken down into steps.

1) With an empty ice tray in hand, turn on a cold water faucet to a slow flow. It should not be dripping, but if the water is bubbly and white it is too fast.
2) Insert the tray below the running water at a slight tilt, maybe 10 degrees or so, and allow the water to flow over each cube while keeping the tray still, and the water from the faucet over the same general area of the tray. Think: the watertight bulkheads overflowing on the RMS Titanic. This is more or less the effect that you should try to achieve, but preferably without drowning fifteen hundred people.
3) Maintain this process, letting the water spread downward. When you have between 5 and 5 1/2 cube's empty space remaining, remove the tray from beneath the water and turn off the faucet.
4) With both hands, while still over the sink to avoid spills, tilt the tray as necessary until all the cubes are filled and even.

Prediction
When the water has evened out, you should end up with a tray with evenly filled, yet not overflowing cubes.

Conclusion
This was a massive waste of a small part of my valuable youth.

I did this up for a class tonight. Maybe something on clouds tomorrow.

Ry Amidon

Write-Up on Abortion, Three Candidates

June 12, 2007

Abortion

The issue of abortion rights has been a prominent and contentious issue in American politics for decades and its controversy does not seem likely to fade from the spotlight in 2008. The question of abortion is a major aspect of presidential politics because, beyond limitations such as “partial-birth” bans, consent laws, and waiting periods it is entirely a federal matter; Roe v. Wade (410 U.S. 113), decided in 1973 under the Burger court, mandated that the right to of a woman to have an abortion was protected under the Fourteenth Amendment[i] and struck down all state laws prohibiting abortion. The democratic candidates are fairly unified on this issue, and are all pro-choice; little attention need be paid. Republicans take differing positions on the matter, with some opposing abortion procedures with certain exceptions, including at least one pro-choicer. Some, such as Arizona Senator John McCain write overtly of “overturning” the 1973 Supreme Court decision[ii]. Any president’s ability to “overturn” is limited to indirect methods, due to the separation of the three branches of government; all he/she could do is hope for a more liberal justice of the High Court to peace out or keel over to allow for the appointment of an adjudicator who will adjudicate in favor of abortion restrictions. Stevens, a moderate-to-liberal Ford appointee (long may he live) looks like a good candidate. The replacement of a moderate or liberal judge with a conservative one would tip the ideological balance of the Court safely to the conservatives:

A List of the Pretty Conservative Supreme Court Justices[iii]:

-Alito

-Thomas

-Roberts

-Scalia

Moderates:

-Kennedy

-Souter

Liberals:

-Bader-Ginsburg

-Stevens

-Breyer

So, if a judge such as Stevens were replaced by another Thomas or Alito, the conservatives would have a solid 5, the majority needed to decide a case. Presidential candidates (and possibly the voting public, too) are very aware of this scenario and most make clear their stance on abortion, though some have records that indicate a change of mind. Here is what the deal is.

Kansas Senator Sam Brownback is pro-life, the pure, simple, and old-fashioned way. As president, he says he would protect life at every stage. This war-enthusiast says he hopes that “one day America will remember the value we once placed on human life”[iv]. Maybe one day, Senator.

Former governor of Virginia Jim Gilmore is opposed to abortion, and did everything in his power to restrict in during his tenure there including: a waiting period, parental notification, and “partial-birth” ban[v]. Interestingly enough, the state’s motto, “Sic semper tyrannis” is what John Wilkes Booth said after he killed our 16th president.

Former American Hero—errr- New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani is in favor of “reasonable restrictions[vi]” on abortion, which in the English language means he believes there is a right to abortion, but would like to see fewer of them; he does not want Roe overturned but will ecstatically support parental notification and the usual ban on “partial birth” business.

Former governor of Arkansas Mike Huckabee opposes abortion rights[vii]. Yawn. His state’s motto is “Regnat populus.” It means the people rule, and was instituted during the Civil War.

California Congressman Duncan Hunter is not afraid to get specific about his opposition to abortion rights. He would support a Right to Life amendment to the Constitution. He has proudly cosponsored many pieces of legislation limiting abortion and other fetus-related acts. He also opposes “Fetus Farming,” and having government funded abortions for soldiers or their dependents overseas[viii]. Neat.

Arizona Senator John McCain, as mentioned above would like to overturn Roe v Wade. He says he will nominate judges who won’t confuse their judicial rule with a legislative one, and that it the government should make it easier for a woman to give birth to an unwanted child “by strengthening faith-based, community, and neighborhood organizations that provide critical services to pregnant mothers in need.[ix]” He would also promote the practice of adoption.

A US Representative of Texas, Ron Paul, says that Roe was “wrongly decided” and that the matter should be left up to the states. Ron is also for banning “partial birth” abortions[x].

Colorado Congressman Tom Tancredo also believes Roe v Wade was “wrongly decided,” and sees it as a state issue. Also, Tom thinks we need education on “the potential life-long medical problems and emotional scarring associated with abortions[xi]”. (That's a good idea, Tom we should do the same thing for people who want to enlist in the military!)

Former Wisconsin Governor and Health and Human Services Secretary Thomas “Tommy” Thompson says that he is pro-life, and touts having signed one of the first bans on “partial birth” abortion; he promises to appoint “strict constructionist” judges to the bench[xii].

Actor/Former Tennessee Senator/Red-Truck Leaser Fred Thompson has only just kicked off his run for office. His stance on the abortion issue is kind of unclear right now and remains to see what his officially stated position will be. In the past he has supported Roe and characterized abortion as a personal decision with which the government has no right to interfere[xiii]. His website is called I’m With Fred!

Former Massachusetts Governor with “shoulders you could land a 737 on[xiv]” Mitt Romney states on his website that he is pro-life with the exception of cases of rape, incest, and a threat to the life of the mother[xv]. However, in a 1994 senate campaign he claimed to support abortion rights[xvi].

The abortion rights issue is a crucial one for republican candidates because it can help determine two important factors: the percentage of the moderate vote that they get, the percentage of the coveted conservative Christian vote that they get. A more pro-choice opinion would probably increase the former while a strict pro-life stance would attract conservatives.

Romney, Tancredo, Dodd

Mitt Romney (R), a Mormon, was elected Governor of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts in 2002, and after serving a term decided that he would rather be president of the United States. Romney has an MBA and a JD from Harvard and was a participant in well-paying business ventures in the eighties and nineties before becoming President and CEO of the organizing committee for the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympics, claiming to have erased a multi-million dollar deficit[xvii]. The governor’s biggest problem in this election may be his changes of opinion on some key social issues. He claims to be pro-life, but ran as a pro-choicer in a 1994 senate race; Romney also says he is against same sex marriages and civil unions, despite having supported such a law in his own state as governor[xviii]. Motives aside, it is clear that the former governor of a very liberal state has moved farther to the right on some controversial social issues, and explaining these switches clearly may pose a challenge to his campaign. He is in third place in CNN polls in Iowa[xix] and New Hampshire[xx].

Chris Dodd (D)is a senator from Connecticut who has been a member of Congress since 1975[xxi]. Like the other democratic senators running for president who were serving at the time, Dodd voted to authorize the Iraq War in 2002[xxii]. That has turned out to be kind of unpopular with a lot of people, and if the Senator wishes to gain the confidence of voting liberals his campaign will have to do what Edwards, Clinton, and Biden also must do which is succinctly defend or excuse the vote and lay out a comprehensible plan for the future.

Tom Tancredo (R), a US Representative from Colorado is a fairly conservative type whose biggest issue is immigration. “As President, I will secure our borders so illegal aliens do not come, and I will eliminate benefits and job prospects so they do not stay,” says Tancredo[xxiii]. He holds conservative positions on most major issues and is currently polling at about 2 percent according to CNN[xxiv].

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[i] http://www.oyez.org/cases/1970-1979/1971/1971_70_18/ [All sites accessed June 11, 2007]

[ii] http://www.johnmccain.com/Informing/Issues/95b18512-d5b6-456e-90a2-12028d71df58.htm

[iii] These categorizations are my own estimates, and not based on any sort of verifiable fact.

[iv] http://www.brownback.com/s/Issues/tabid/60/Default.aspx#Life

[v] http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/candidates/jim.gilmore.html

[vi] http://www.joinrudy2008.com/index.php?section=2

[vii] http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/candidates/mike.huckabee.html

[viii] http://www.gohunter08.com/inner.asp?z=4

[ix] http://www.johnmccain.com/Informing/Issues/95b18512-d5b6-456e-90a2-12028d71df58.htm

[x] http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/candidates/ron.paul.html

[xi] http://www.teamtancredo.com/tancredo_issues_index.asp

[xii] http://www.tommy2008.com/On_The_Issues.aspx

[xiii] http://www.nationalreview.com/daily/nr070600.html

[xiv] http://mediamatters.org/items/200706060004

[xv] http://www.mittromney.com/Issue-Watch/Values

[xvi] http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/candidates/mitt.romney.html

[xvii] http://www.mittromney.com/Learn-About-Mitt/Mittxs_Biography

[xviii] http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/candidates/mitt.romney.html

[xix] http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/states/iowa.html

[xx] http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/states/new.hampshire.html

[xxi] http://www.chrisdodd.com/about

[xxii] http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/candidates/chris.dodd.html

[xxiii] http://www.teamtancredo.com/tancredo_issues_index.asp

[xxiv] http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/candidates/tom.tancredo.html