"Hillary Clinton is employing conventional politics, while Obama is trying to create a new kind of politics. Similarly, as they respond to the country's desire for change, they have very different concepts of what "change" means: briefly, for Obama it means changing the very zeitgeist of Washington, creating a new way to get things done by building coalitions that transcend longstanding political divisions. For Clinton it means passing bills—though sometimes she has suggested that it means electing a woman president. ("I embody change," she said in a debate in New Hampshire.)"
[NY Review of Books]

Here is a map of global cabbage output.

"What’s more, of all the gifts that life and luck can bestow—money, good looks, love, power—longevity is the one that people seem least reluctant to brag about. In fact, they routinely claim it as some sort of virtue—as if living to ninety were primarily the result of hard work or prayer, rather than good genes and never getting run over by a truck. Maybe the possibility that the truck is on your agenda for later this morning makes the bragging acceptable. The longevity game is one that really isn’t over till it’s over.

Between what your parents gave you to start with—genetically or culturally or financially—and pure luck, you play a small role in determining how long you live. And even if you add a few years through your own initiative, by doing all the right things in terms of diet, exercise, sleep, vitamins, and so on, why is that to your moral credit? Extending your own life expectancy is the most selfish motive imaginable for doing anything. Do it, by all means. I do. But for heaven’s sake don’t take a bow and expect applause."

[New Yorker]

I hope some day to live this picture. Probably with a different jacket though.

I am the last person on the planet to hear this and can't stop listening to it.

I am really concerned about this.

Problems involved:
-strange matter
-black holes
-the precautionary principle

But it'll probably be fine, right? At the Trinity test they were not sure that it wasn't going to ignite the entire universe. I am not at all against sub atomic experimentation I just think we ought to clear up this issue definitively. I could write more clearly on it but I'm hungover.

Basically, don't fuck with quarks.

Story.

Why I love Crappy Hour

"MOE: Anyway, back to Obama for a second. Forgetting my own personal hard-on for the guy, he does an amazing thing when he is talking to capitalists, and that is he discusses economic policy in a way that doesn't even remotely sound like populist rhetoric. I doubt his interview with Maria Bartiromo will be sound-bitten anywhere or repurposed into campaign propaganda. He made her look like an idiot. He gave a little chuckle when she said, "But! Small business! They are WORRIED! That you're a SOCIALIST!" and he said something very telling about how they say they're worried when these surveys get taken because they're taken by local Chambers of commerce after said chambers of commerce hold luncheons and get them worried, systematically, every time there's a minimum wage increase on the table or whathaveyou, and how the sky never falls and they're losing their credibility. I wonder if he was referring to Chicago, where I vaguely recall some economic development project that demanded all employees get paid $10 an hour? Anyway, whatever. He sounded intelligent and sober and she sounded reflexive and ideological.

MEGAN: Oh, Christ, I ALSO love how everyones that thinks there should be more government intervention in the economy to prevent market failures is a Socialist right up until Wall Street wants the Fed to pony up a gazillion dollars to save their asses from the market failures of their own making.
Also, my only props to the Money Honey, having just seen her on TV on Sunday for the first time in a while, is that she seems to be Botox-less. You go, Maria. Be your insane market-will-solve-all hotness without knives or shots"

Restroom included/≈ $160,000

That couple look like they're ready to have some quantum sex.

WHEN ARE THE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES GOING TO ADDRESS THE CIRCUS SLAVES FORCED TO SWIM WITH PIRHANAS ISSUE?!!!
I WANT TO KNOW!

I'm guessing mid-April.

So I was watching this show today and they were showing how heartbeats are not as regular and consistent as they sound, but actually vary quite a bit in their rhythmic particulars. Then they transcribed the heart beats into musical tones and made some very interesting music. So I think I will somehow get the equipment necessary and make an album of heart music. It would entail heartbeats from various people in various states: resting, sex, exercise, intoxication, sleep, the transition from sleep to a waking state. After hearing what these and more sounded like I would sequence them in the musically proper order and name each one appropriately.

1.Waking
2.Running
3.Resting
4.Drunk
5.Sex
6.Sleep

or whatever. It would be arranged in a way that was interesting and melodic and not just droll and scientific.

All I need is thousands of dollars' worth of medical equipment.

Thoughts?

1. I Might Be Wrong-Radiohead
2. Emily Jean Stock-Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
3. The Underdog-Spoon
4. Who The Fuck?-PJ Harvey
5. New Health Rock-TV On the Radio
6. Lines In The Suit-Spoon
7. Satan Said Dance-Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
8. Laminated Cat-Loose Fur
9. Agaetis Byrjun (live)-Sigur Ros
10. Polyethylene (Parts 1 & 2)-Radiohead
11. Sweet Jane-The Velvet Underground
12. Black Like Me-Spoon
13. Five Easy Pieces-Clap Your Hands Say Yeah


band repetition, whatever it's a good list.

"The world stands on absurdities, and without them perhaps nothing at all would happen."

Induce vomiting:


"Mr. Lane and Doubledown’s founder, Magnus Greaves, say that Doubledown is recession-proof because of its rarefied audience: men whose average net worth is between $3 and $5 million and who want to read about other men like themselves."

Sorry, Benedict--can't have peace while we're bringing democracy to the Middle EASTERs

I am 80.53 cups of coffee away from death.
Or 195.17 cans of diet coke.

So by my calculations, I cheat death, on average, by about 78 cups of coffee and/or 194 cans of diet coke daily.

The way I see it, all I need to do is drink fewer than 80 cups of coffee every day and I will live to be 100!

Take that, death.


Current spin: Spoon-Telephono

First day of spring.



I don't buy it.

Five years ago a war started.

Here is a good recap.

This misses the point:

Officials now running the U.S. effort express frustration that the gains wrought by their new political, security and economic policies -- in particular, sharply reduced violence -- are continually weighed against the first four years of the war, when Iraq unraveled in insurgency and sectarian strife.

"I came to Washington to describe what we're doing," Charles P. Ries, Crocker's senior deputy in charge of reconstruction and the Iraqi economy, said during a visit last week. "At almost every meeting, somebody wants me to describe what we used to do. . . . I know why people raise these questions, but I don't feel it's something I can speak to. The times were different then."

I think the questions about pre-"Surge" policy are perfectly legitimate because, while the current emphasis seems to be on tactical fuck-ups, but there are some under-the-radar issues at hand:

1. I am sorry to say it (I'm not), there were no weapons of mass destruction. There were none. This was rationale number one for going to war, and it was completely false. Any attempt at accountability on this matter died in 2004, and the fact that the reason that we went to war wasn't really a reason at all has been brushed aside as axiomatic and irrelevant.

2. The following people are total assclowns:

L. Paul Bremer

Colin Powell (take-backs don't count)

Richard Perle

Donald Rumsfeld

Richard Cheney

Paul Wolfowitz

George W. Bush

3. One of these is not like the others:

July 18, 2006- Daily Toll Above 100

August 3, 2006-Warning of Civil War

August 16, 2006-Bomb Attacks on G.I.'s Increase

September 7, 2006-The Senate votes 98-0 to appropriate 63 billion dollars for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan making the total thus far 469.7 billion dollars.

Supporters of this sort of crap would argue that increased violence requires increased money. I say it reflects a lack of oversight of the executive branch by the legislative.

4.Which brings me to the obvious larger constitutional issues at hand. Congress has the power to "declare war" under Article One Section 8 of the Constitution, and gave only plain statutory authorization in this case. I don't even feel like getting into the reasons and problems with this but basically it makes it easier to go to war because it gives broader authorization for the president, and sounds less serious ("authorization of the use of force" vs. "declaration of war") and is therefore easier to get the congress and the populous to sign on to. The Supreme Court has refused to take a case on this issue and I'd kind of prefer that this court not go near it.

5. More than five years ago I walked out of geometry with Ms. Whelan to walk down to the State House to protest this god damn mess and we were so loud the state senate had to shut their windows. And it gets hot in the state senate. I don't know what today's protests are achieving beyond disruptive symbolism. Were I to protest today, I wouldn't know what to protest. I don't even know what to write. I honestly have a hard time understanding why it wasn't completely obvious to everybody that this was an awful idea and too many people have been hurt or killed and too much money was diverted from perfectly good things and frankly too many words have been wasted trying to explain this to people who have yet to understand this.

Are you serious.

So last night I dialed 911 in my pocket.
My phone has this potentially life saving/stupid feature where the key guard applies to all numbers but 9 and 1 and then 1. So I checked up on my phone, you know, to see how it is; sometimes they need attention. It wasn't so great seeing that I had dialed "emergency" at 10:09 and then "private" called at 10:10 [first of all, 911 should not be private if 911 is calling you this should be made clear!].
I was conflicted: do I call and risk needlessly using an emergency line and getting yelled at by the operator (they must yell) or do nothing and hope that police, paramedics, and fire trucks haven't been sent to my current location?
I realized that an onslaught of emergency personnel could conflict with my contemporaneous activities of questionable legality.
Don't they yell?

them:new hampshire 911 what is your emergency?
me:hi I don't have an emergency but my phone called 911 in my pocket earlier and I think you guys called me back and I just wanted to let you know that there's no problem.
them:that's fine, no emergency, happens all the time have a nice night.
me: you too bye.

also, if you're surprised by this, you might read this.

What are people trying to say when they use more than one question mark???

I understand the multiple exclamation point thing, it conveys augmented enthusiasm for the topic at hand!!!

But question marks??

Can I add multiple periods to convey a certain message?

Oh right, those are ellipses...

What about multiple commas in the middle of a sentence,,,,you know? Like I want to separate the clauses real bad.

Is it: the more question marks, the more the question is being asked?????

Because I am really curious!!!

Drinking beer (environmentally) responsibly:

• bottles are better than cans if made from new materials
  
• cans are better than bottles if they have recycled content
• cans are better than bottles if they're being shipped over long distances (less than an ounce versus 6 ounces)
• fuck green bottles; a lot of towns don't even recycle them (fuck heineken anyway)
• local brews use less energy for transportation

The Best bet:
-TAP! the glasses get washed and reused, the kegs weigh less per ounce, and it tastes way better--if you can afford it.

-Slate

"Mr. Paterson, 53, is scheduled to become the state’s 55th governor on Monday. He will be the state’s first black governor, and the third black governor of any state since Reconstruction."
NYT

Will he be the country's first legally blind governor as well? Anyway who cares he seems infinitely preferable to the steely eyed white man whose wife hates him so he pays skinny women with disproportionately sized breasts large sums of cash to love him superficially for several hours and then goes and busts others for doing the same thing except for a less inflated price.

Public officials need to chill their corrupt hyprocrisy scene.

Phenylketonuric porn.

Am I the only one who confuses Dmitry Medvedev, the Russian president-elect with Dmitri Mendeleev, the creator of the periodic table of the elements?

As a fun game, try and match the photo with the correct Dmitri/y! (answers below)
Which Dmitri/y is your favorite? Who do you think is hotter/more evil?

a.)

b.)


a)Dmitri Mendeleev
b)Dmitry Medvedev

Bored, so:

top five best beers ever in the history of civilization and the Universe one being the best and five being fifth from best:
1.Boddington's Pub Ale
2.Sierra Nevada Pale Ale
3.Samuel Adams Boston Ale
4.Odd Notion (Winter 07)
5.fucking Guinness
Hon. Mention: Schlitz, UFO, Newcastle Brown, Roxy Rolles, Hibernator

top ten best musical record albums in existence i think:
1.Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
2.Kid A
3.OK Computer
4.Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
5.Blonde on Blonde
6.Agaetis Byrjun
7.Graceland
8.Pink Moon
9.Rubber Soul
10.In Rainbows

fuck but who can say for sure
honorables:Abbey Road, Blood on the Tracks, Hidden World, Her Life of Crime, Funeral, Mysterious Production of Eggs, Highway 61 Revisited, So Gone, Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, Young Liars, Virðulegu forsetar, Blue Train, Interstellar Space, Blue, Transfiguration of Vincent, Post-War, Electric Tonic, A Tribute to Jack Johnson, Bitches Brew, Instrumentals, Immolation/Immersion, Amnesiac, Bridge over troubled Water, Where the Humans Eat, I can Hear the heart beating as one

anomalous.